She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
