sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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