Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
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Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize