I want to have your abortion
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
