I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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