i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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