he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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