I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
