can u get pink eye on your cock?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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