You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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