I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
