I'm gonna have a badass scar
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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