So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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