My sheets look like a crime scene.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
