Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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