im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
