highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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