i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
