i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
