Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
