My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
