had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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