btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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