they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
