that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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