i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
