no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
