I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
