Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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