i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
