I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
