just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
