so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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