I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
MIDGETS
????
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize