After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
