I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize