wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
