Define "chronic" masturbator.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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