Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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