You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
