Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
