i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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