I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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