My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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