Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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