um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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