did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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