the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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