I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
