One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
