I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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