I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
