Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
