She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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