Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
