I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
