there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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