Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
