True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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