god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
