I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
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He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
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I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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