New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
