those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
