I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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