my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
