okay pat passed out under dana's car
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Watching her eat just hurts me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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