I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
